Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
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