brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
people are starting to question the shark bite story
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
