It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
this is an emotional support booty call
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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