The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
