Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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