So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
