Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
