yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
