Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
