if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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