dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
