Someone shit on the floor
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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