thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
