I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
