mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
