When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too