were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
