you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
