Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Green mimosas i think yes
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
