Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
