I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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