Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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