is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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