Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Randomize
