Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
