Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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