So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
