I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
