All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
