Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
