Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize