trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
