I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
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