I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
