It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
