So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
