I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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