honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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