I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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