Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
