I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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