Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
