i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
