People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
