I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
