operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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