Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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