Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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