At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
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