Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
