I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
