The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I enjoy the company of your penis
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
