I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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