her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Randomize
