He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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