Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
