I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
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