While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
