Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
