My cat gives me a boner
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
