shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
