it's too hot outside to masturbate.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
