I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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