turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
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