Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
