i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
