one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
