i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Randomize
