everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
