positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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