you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
