# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
