Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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