Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
