Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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