Your face is a jimmy john
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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