North Korea, Best Korea!
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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