Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Randomize