One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
