i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
